Internet Monument to Drunks.

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My girlfriend appeared on LastNightsParty.


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I feel kind of oddly honored-by-proxy. She wasn’t naked, but caught mid-dance with a surprised look as the flash went off in her face. Her roommate apparently was coaxed into the bathroom for one of the topless shots that the site is famous for. It doesn’t appear on the site. Which is a relief to me: Hey Honey, I saw your roommate’s titties on the web! No. Awkward.
Have you ever seen the guy whose site it is? Merlin Bronques? A thin black man of indeterminate sexuality, wearing tinted glasses and a blonde Prince Valiant wig. I saw him at the Sub Pop party at the Sundance Festival and was half-star-struck.
Handsome Dan Chen once got into trouble with his beloved because he was jokingly biting the shoulder of a female bandmate and Merlin snapped it.
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Relative Currency of the Famous.

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I saw Chuck Norris at the airport once.


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It was in L.A in the mid-90s. Chuck Norris was wearing aviator sunglasses and a sort of leather trenchcoat. He was with an L.A. blonde also wearing aviator sunglasses and a leather trenchcoat. The skycaps were very happy to see him. He gave them a crisp little salute-wave.
At the time, I thought: What a boring celebrity sighting. Now, Chuck Norris is the hippest with the children; I was struck by this when I saw an ad for Chuck Norris t-shirts on MySpace, depicting the man in mid-flying-kick.
I saw Liz Phair in an airport once and she recognized me.
I saw Gilbert Gottfried in an airport and I think I was the only guy who knew who he was. He wandered away from the gate, and the stewardess started calling, “United Passenger Gottfried, please come to the desk at gate B27.” I looked around for him, hoping I could be the guy who said, Excuse me, Gilbert? You got your upgrade.
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The Horny Mormon Show.

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Let’s dispense with politesse and start calling HBO’s Big Love–a show that fascinates me–by what should have been its real name: The Horny Mormon Show.

Mason Televised.

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My brother in arms Mason Jennings on television this morning.


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When I’m up on Sundays, I watch CBS News Sunday Morning, which I like to call Old White Dude Television. The ads are for commmunications conglomerates clearly promoting their stock to the old white dudes who buy stock, and for golf gear. The host wears a bow tie and pronounces 2006 “twenty oh six” rather than two thousand six.
There was a thing about singer-songwriters on there, and I was all prepared to get bitter about not being featured next to Jenny Lewis and Rhett Miller, when who should show up onscreen but my homey Mason Jennings. Genius guy, great artist.
Literally I shot up my arm in a devil-horn salute and said YEAH! when he unexpectedly appeared onscreen.
There was also a piece about the renewed popularity of meditation, which was a fine coincidence, as it was Mason that helped me get into meditating. And along the same lines, apparently Mason’s new single is called “Be Here Now.”
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Parade of the Mitzvah Tanks.

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Like an army of Judaic salvation.


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The Hasidim–for those in the Midwest, that bearded Jewish sect where the men are clad in all black, looking like they walked out of the 18th century, and the women all wear wigs–are out looking for converts. They’ve long had these “Mitzvah Tanks”, which are RVs with the emblazoned slogan MOSHIACH IS COMING! Guys stand outside with fliers, asking passersby, “Excuse me sir, are you Jewish?”
(Moshiach = the Messiah. Mitzvah = blessing)
I read something on some blog somewhere about a giant convoy of Mitzvah Tanks in SoHo. Last night, I heard jaunty music blasting outside my window, on Allen Street–a big artery street onto which a great honking volume of traffic coming off the Williamsburg Bridge flows. I hear a lot of Reggaeton blasting out of cars down there, heading uptown. So this was unusual.
I looked out the window and saw a parade of Mitzvah Tanks, lined up behind each other, cruising up Allen Street, each booming the same upbeat, mildly-klezmerish tune out of a loudspeakers. It took a long time for the convoy to pass by.
Behind them there was a swarm of honking yellow cabs.
One of the Mitzvah Tanks had a bumper sticker that said TREY IS A JEDI.
Actually, no, of course it didn’t. But I saw that on a Ford Focus on Allen Street this morning and thought it was funny.
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The Prophet Speaks.

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I got this spam this morning:
From: Prince
Subject: everything you know is wrong
And then, something or other about H0t H0rneee T33nz