Demise of Tommy.

July 29, 2006

I came terrifyingly close to titling this blog about MySpace “Tommy Can You Hear Me?” You can thank me later for my restraint.
Pix ganked from Francesca Caputo.

Been to Friendster lately? It kind of creeps me out. Occasionally I get a friend request over there, and I go over; it’s like a very well appointed abandoned amusement park. Better-looking than MySpace, I think. What did them in? Their refusal to acknowledge themselves as anything other than a dating site? Their cold deletions of Fakesters? (why exactly couldn’t we all be friends with “Cheese” or “Massapequa”?)
I have something like 400 or 500 friends over there; I thought it was a lot. Nowadays I have about 14,000 on MySpace.
I remember when there was a hipster frenzy over Friendster, and the servers were crammed, and you used to wait for 15 or 20 frustrated minutes trying to get on there, finally giving up and waiting until late at night to check your Friendstermail.
I got an Orkut and a MySpace account because I had time to kill. I didn’t think Friendster was going to lessen in significance. If anything, I thought Orkut had the better shot–hipper name, Google’s bucks. What’s up with “MySpace” anyway? Tommy MySpace had better things to do than think up a decent name? If you go to GoDaddy and try to register a taken domain, it will automatically suggest “DoughtySite” “DoughtyOnline” and “MyDoughty.” Did Tommy initially want to call it “Space”?
Now MySpace has gotten glitchy and arduous; you can’t get on. Your mail is inaccessible. Weird fuckups and bugs. The thing is growing so monstrously they can’t keep up. (I wonder how significant those Dateline “We-Catch-Pervs-on-MySpace” shows are in bringing in new customers?)
What the hell are we all doing on there, anyway? For me, I get fifty friend requests a day, and, among them, sometimes I go look at the cute girls, listen to some of the bands, check out the weird looking dudes with Anchorman jokes as screen names. But if you don’t get fifty new faces to look at every day, what good is it?
I do read my girlfriend’s blogs, and I’m happy that she has the forum. She is an excellent and funny casual blogger.
I half hope that a new site will come and wipe up the floor with Tommy’s sorry, badly-named, buggy ass. Maybe Orkut–(a phenomenon among Brazillians, by the way, did you know that? Crammed with Portuguese speakers. It’s really something)–or Friendster will win us back with free candy and pie. But I have a lot invested over there. 14,000 people to whom I must occasionally communicate a vital message of, like, “Hey, I’m playing Baltimore next week.”
It doesn’t bother me that Rupert Murdoch bought ‘em. I don’t hate on King of the Hill for the same association.