The Ancient Land of No-Self-Esteem.

December 3, 2005

Sometimes when I’m feeling restless, I sit around searching for old friends on MySpace.

Old friends that I used to get high with all the time; people with whom I used to get fucked up with and exchange mean-spirited, passive-aggressive, cynical half-insults with; i.e., not actually friends at all.
I’m smart enough not to write to them. Maybe they’ve grown up/cleaned up/wised up in the same way I have. My limited experience getting back in touch with old fellow-travelers is that I get off the phone almost in tears, thinking, What the fuck did I ever see in this person? Who did I used to be that I could hang in such a vicious relationship with?
How I must have felt about myself. Fuck. I can barely remember.