You Must Be Logged In to Do That!

May 26, 2006

You Can’t Do That on Television!

I have more thoughts on Idol. I will doubtless continue to have thoughts on Idol as the weeks go by, but I will try to not blog about them, and focus instead on highbrow concerns.
Meatloaf: really shockingly out of key. My girlf wondered if he were trying to sabotage the McPhee. But Meatloaf made the McPhee sound great by comparison. I mean, he was puzzlingly, balls-out atonal, as in, did they pitch shift everything in his in-ear monitors up a quarter tone?
On the positive side: I love that he’s always got the handkerchief in his hand for facial-dabbing. Rather like Oum Kalthoum.
Aiken: Achin’. I do not understand. When he appeared with his screwed-on hair and that one weird eye a-flutter, trying to look all like, It is I, the great Flamenco Hunk Action Star Clay Aiken, I just thought: this person doesn’t exist. How can he?
The convulsive reaction of the Clay imitator with the distressingly yellow teeth, when he discovered the Lando Calrissian of the Closeted striding mannishly beside him; what is he, to make the crazy? For this? I have the shock.
The first singles: there is a sub-industry now of pro songwriting committees (not as hip as the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, but I digress) that come up with these songs, like “Do I Make You Proud,” and “Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this,” that are love songs disguised as triumphant-moment songs disguised as love songs disguised as, etc, that make no sense outside of Idol finales or high school graduations. Or cruise ship ads.
I want in on this racket. Or, at least, to pitch the Hicks on a cover of “American Car.” He’s a Ray LaMontagne fan, so why not?
Idol: I feel they should drop the “American,” and be just IDOL. More appropriate, and monolithic.